I'm on Fire!
Read Chapter 2 Here
http://whitefss.blogspot.com/p/angels-and-demons-chapter-2-demons-rise.html
Or
Download Here(.docx)
http://www.mediafire.com/?wenjnoh21dstdaa
PDF Here
http://www.mediafire.com/view/w9n4tht4m3dsq94/A%26D_chapter_2.pdf
8 comments:
Your pdfs totally threw me off... I thought "it's only 300kb.. Short read." Then.. BOOM!! Wall of texts!
Haha not that I'm complaining. I haven't even finished a page but, your wordings are still weird haha. Not that I don't understand what you're trying to depict but it just feels weird. Like that "He was petrified when he saw them" or something along those lines. Why use petrified? paralyzed is much more fitting. Petrified = becomes stone.
And when describing the elves' appearance, you described them as wearing "dark armors". Avoid that. You should describe the details, like, "They wore dark-colored leather vest" or something like that.
..I hope these advices are useful. Since this is coming from an amateur, well.. haha
heh?? I thought elves has some appearance like an 'Avatar' the blue one.
So they actually human like? with human colered-tan-skin??...
hmmm..I pictured the orc like a full-armored body with a yellow color armor...-somekind like ben10 ultimate series alien transformation
Actually, you know what? I think yes. They are somehow similar. And the Orcs I was trying to picture were nearly like the ones from Lord of The Rings.
And Santun, from what I learnt from Design major, I am good at abstract shits, like Words and lines and stuffs, fire and whatever...
But for shape... I have not even an Idea. I have no picture of the main Character Jim. What I know is only that he had short spiky black hair.
I can only imagine their everything but their appearances.
And that Terrified thing, I didn't mean it literally and it also sound strange if I use paralyze as if he was struck by lightning from pikachu.
I can try to think out their appearances but I won't remember them. I can't even keep track of their clothes.
So, what I am saying is, I have good story but lack of vocabularies and details. I need help, a lot of help.
@Anon Elves are usually depicted as a more slender human with pointed ears. Whilst orcs are depicted as green, buff, bipedal creatures with sharp teeth and natural tendency towards violence.
Elves are human with more brains and less brawns. Orcs are the opposite.
I think...
@Fred Nono... you can't do that.. The point in reading novels is so that you can see the scene in your head. It's just like how a software renderer is unable to operate without sufficient data.
I just went full retard... not a software renderer... it's a graphic renderer perhaps? Aaah
Then I am not writing a novel, I am writing a story book. I've just realized that I didn't put any description about the Elves' weapons.
and the Orcs' are not detail enough
Wkkkkk,well......seems I've got the right picture for 50%
Truthfully,it doesn't matter much.
I speak from experience,many novel I read even made a more freakish creature hahaha.
And I pretty agree that face might be the hardest part sometimes.wheter you want it to be more gentle,or feminine or tomboyish or has a dark aura,stupid face with somehow showing intelligency.hahaha that stuff and more
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