Checking in.....after all this time

Monologue incoming:

    This is just for the fact that the past ~5 years, posts are mostly showreels with barely any information.

    For those that knows me and worries about me or just want to know what's up, since I don't have social media, other than Linkedin, if I ever went missing, only few people would know. The last that people would know about me on other part of the world could be perhaps I was haunted by my past, of the bad things I have done, of the regrets and pain that I have caused.

    If those are it, then chill out. I am doing fine. More than fine. I have been following my own path. I took actions and gave a great deal of effort to things that I want to last. Working hard on building a better life, a better self, a better path forward.

    I can say with 100% assurance, I wouldn't trade my life with anyone else's. I have worked hard to get where I am, and I am proud of what I have managed to achieve. A lot of people given help and I am thankful for that. Though, there are always room for improvement, especially on this age where things are on lightspeed.

    I have made peace with my past. It is an undeniable part of me. I don't have to like it, I just have to accept that I am only human, and we make mistakes. Good intentions but sometimes bizarre executions. If I am given chance to make things slightly better, I will. The past posts of this blogs, they are also part of who I was, and is part of my present self foundation. Have to fall to learn to walk and run.

    Right now I am just trying to do the right thing, as much as I can. Being an adult brings a heavy hitting reality that world are not so kind, the opposite in fact; very cutthroat. But it does not mean I have to do the same, with what I have, hopefully I can do good for the right people and managed to push away the bad people. 

    Having people rely on me as employee, leader, senior, or partners, made me learn how to communicate and its importance in any relationship. It also taught me the importance of learning by teaching and growing together instead of alone. Age will catch up with me and my ability will deteriorate. My edge won't last but I can shift it into experience that I can share and hopefully be useful for others.

    Confidence comes with experience, as they say. A trick I often used to trick my mind when I get nervous is that most of the things I do isn't about life or death situation, therefore I shouldn't be nervous about it. Worst case is people would yell or laugh if you made mistake, but then you learn something. If they do get abusive, since I am male, when again do you get a chance to punch someone and let it all out. So it's just nothing too important to worry about.

    Life can be very complex and complicated, but for me, making people I care about (including friends and coworkers) happy and grows meaningfully. How to achieve it, is the complicated issue. Have to teach starving man how to fish instead of giving them fish, for a long term development.

    Also, I have decided to drop my Angels and Demons story. Simple reason being that it sucks, at least does not meet my expectation. the longer reason, I don't like to read, so it is a bad idea for me to write a story. I have no idea how to do it nor am I the audience for it. From 10 years experience, I have come to conclude that I suck developing characters and visualization of them. I have done many rewrites, and it was still below quality. So I have decided to drop it, just not my thing.

    But I am not disheartened because I have not been idle. Working on personal things to share have been impossible, but I have been doing things. Nowadays privacy is hard to come by, so I treasure privacy a lot. Things that I have been doing are only for the people that I care about to enjoy, it could be as simple as romantic gesture, or a well planned buffet, nobody can know. This blog is for update, and is not social media. And my avoidance and hatred for social media has only grown stronger, so.... there's that consistency I suppose.

    Time is precious, and limited. I chose to spend as much as I can with people that I cared the most. I don't want to have regret that I had or to be the cause of similar regret. For those that know me and I often avoid hanging out with you, just know that it is not personal, I don't hang out. You can hate me, curse me, I wouldn't care. Go find others that are important to you and spend time with them instead. Can still chat me though, as chat can be delayed as much as I want :)

Cheers

TLDR: I am fine, and go away.